2010 – Year of success.

Success is only the minor speed bump before great failure.  At least that’s how I’ve been acting for years now.  Einstein’s brain, an elephants will (not to mention size), and the strength of an ox.  Yup, that’s me, the only problem?  Deafening fear of failure and rejection.

Ironic huh?

For years I’ve been failing because of my fear of failure, but I can’t do that anymore.  Some of you who have known me for years know that I’ve never felt I would see 25.  I said it when I was 14 and for some strange reason I still feel that way.  Like 25 is my barrier in life.  Though I must admit, I’m still quite optimistic in thinking that if I do somehow make it past 25 and see the years beyond 2011 that I’ll make it to 200.  Science isn’t far away from making that a reality, but 25 is still far too soon for science to save me.

Now I know how insane that sounds, but I figure if death can’t motivate me nothing can right?

It’s a sobering thought to think that 2010 could be my last full calendar year left on this planet.  I mean I know that even if my psychotic self death prophecy is true I could die anytime from now until then all the way up to the night before my 25th birthday, but being the optimist that I am I’m giving myself at least until New Years 2011.

Which brings me to my New Year’s resolution.

2010 is the year of the yes man.  The year of success and the year of no fear.  A day won’t go by that I don’t find some way to utilize, and a day won’t go by that I don’t find some way to make it important.  Memorable.  I’m going to live my life the way I should have been for the last 23 years, and to insure that I do in fact do this, I’m going to document it day by day.

Dramatic huh?  Why not?  Girls do it all the time in the form of diaries and journals.  This very blog was created so that I could do just that, only this time a little more is at stake I would think.  I figure I won’t write every single day, that’d be nearly impossible, but by forcing myself to write about my days, I’ll have to make sure that my days are worth writing about.

But that’s not all.  As this is my last full calendar year, I have very little time to get in shape.  I have to look good at my wake after all right?  I don’t want to be buried in a piano case, so I think it’s time to make a few changes.  Not just packing on some temporary muscle so I can feel good about myself for a few months, or losing a few pounds so I can fit into older clothes and be cheap.  Oh no, now it’s get fit or die trying.  Get it?  Well I thought it was funny.

On January 1st I’m going to make a blog post that will include my 2010 Trucs de’ Faire.  That means stuff to do for the culturally challenged; it’s French.  A list of things I want to do before the end of 2010.  Already on that list are a lot of volunteering, going on at least two road trips with one having no destination, and meeting the girl of my dreams.  Hah, you always have to have that one on there, it’s required for a bucket list.

Sure, I realize you think I’m crazy.  But ask yourself this, if you were sure you were going to kick the bucket after the next year, wouldn’t you want to make the most of it too?  This isn’t a new feeling I’ve just gotten, this is something I’ve felt for a very long time.  Maybe I’m crazy, sure, but why risk it?  If I feel I’m going to croak, then I might as well use that as a reason to live a better life.

So there it is. My New Year’s Resolution.  To live 2010 like it’s my last.  I don’t think it can get any better then that.